If Only You Knew

We all have a conversation floating around in our heads with an disclaimer, “if only you knew”. It is quite often when looked upon by others they see the what’s on the surface of our lives. The process of getting to the space and time in which they find us if most always after the storm. After the thoughts of “I can’t take this any more”. Long after the sleepless night and tear stained pillows. Yes it after you’ve chased the man in the uniform with his credentials hanging around his neck going, keys in his hand to unlock the door where the meter resides. the man you noticed while setting in your home office triying to make a payment – the man you know is only doing his job who tells you sorry next time try to call the office and make payment arrangements.

Hummmm payment arrangements. you learn from that moment that when time is running out call and buy more time and promising to pay your bill in two week. to turn your electricity off. Folk don’t see that you became the master at making arrangements to pay the bills to those who would extend you payment date and sometimes remind you that you didn’t pay your bill on time for the last 300 days. If only you knew the trouble I’ve see nobody knows my sorrow nobody but Jesus. I’ve been up and shownnough down and yes allmost in the ground, Yes i said in the ground. Nobody knows…

Nobody know when where on the surface the pain you suffered is masked to no end until one day you give your testimony and folk is shocked to no end because they had no idea. Know they know they can better understand my story behind my glory. Now they understand that the encouragement i extended was not from second-hand informaiton but straight from the horse’s mouth. Wait I’m not a horse so – figure of speah here got it. I’m not a horse. To be clear I am who I am regardless of what I went through, I’m here now. I come through the fire, trough the storm and oh yes through I can’t take this no more.

i must say through it all i’m still here if nothing more than to write about and tell the world you too can make it through your “nobody knows”. It is but a passing circumstance. yes I hear you when you say “but you don’t know who long I’ve…)”. You are right but take. I know that in the midst it feels like it is never-ending, like your world had crashed and your future is but a black hole. Mine too but I made it and so can you. my advise simply break it down. If you lump all your problems together it’s massive and a solution is nowhere to be found. but if you break it down and take one issue and a time and resolve all that is within your power to do so you can handle it . Add-ons are not welcome. Meaning don’t add on nothing – see it for what it is and deal with it accordingly. remember our frustraiton starts in our head. Don’t sike yourself out with crazy thought.. dismiss the crappy thoughts asap. please cause if they stick around they grow and before your know it you are spinning out of control because you had thought.

Yea know body know you thoughts until you expose them. use my imaginary stamp REJECT. i use it quite often when thought os sucide, overwhelming thought of the i caint’s. and no doubt the Mr. and Mrs. should’ve are completely red and dripping of ink. reason being i can allow my mind to take me on a endles ride with Bet the Hell Our Of yourself.

Might i end with this – no body knows my story untill i exposed the truth of about how I really feel. Some will listen and make jusgement. Some will listen with a heart of compassion and offer good sound advise like Monica. Monica know the knows the trouble i’ve seen all too well becaue she too has seen semilar troubles. We compare notes and grow together. She encouragemes me more than she soo. folkes like me need a Monica in their lives. because everyone aren’t fully capable of handling my stuff but Jesus I pray for a brighter day. My confiding in someone (you know you need someone tangible those like Monica that can reachout and touch and confort us. Someone to listen when we need an ear. some one who can hold warter as my mother says. In a nut shell that means someone will not run and tell you business to who so ever will listen. Sometimes you need a sister from another mother who listen with both ears, a dear who knows taht you have a desire to go to Paris and bring you a gift she knows a double-sided pocket mirror with the effior tower affixed to it will make you smile. May you have a baby sister who brings you an orange sweater because she know we share a love for the some color.